Something on the mind

I’m sitting here alone, all by myself with my piano. When I’m playing, I feel like the whole world is closing down on me, like I’m living in my own little world, where I can be myself and no one can judge me. I only feel safe when I’m playing. At the moment I stop playing I’m back in my old shitty life, with problems. This week has been quite hard. First of all my mother has been totally angry at me, and I have done nothing at all. But of course, it is probably because of her drinking problem. She always says that she doesn’t have any problems, but I always hear when she is crying in her bedroom at night. I really think that she misses my father, after he passed away. She hasn’t been the same person. Shortly afterwards he died she lost her job, and now we live in a small flat, because we don’t have any money. My mother often forgets to pay the bills and it always ends up with her and the landlord being angry at each other. Luckily it’s not every night I hear her cry. I get so sad when she is crying, so much that my stomach hurts. I also miss my dad, maybe as much as my mother, I only knew him about 7 years, so with time I have forgotten him. I really don’t have many memories from the time he lived. Well I have one memory that I remember as it was yesterday, possibly not the best. My dad and I was in Disneyland, I remember he bought me an ice cream with two scoops, one with strawberry and another with banana, after that we saw Mickey mouse and Donald Duck, and I got a picture of mickey mouse and me sitting at a piano. My dad and I were in Disneyland, just the two of us. We were there for a whole day. It was the best day of my life. My dad loved to play piano maybe that’s why I also love it. Right now I’m sitting on my bed in my room calm and peaceful, actually it has been a god day. At school I got an A in English and a B in maths usually I get C or D so I’m quite happy about it. Suddenly the doors opens! It’s my mother and she smiles at me. My mother sits down beside me. She says that she have some bad news for me. My heart freezes and I get a lump in my throat. A few seconds later do I answer he “what? What is wrong? Is it something bad?”. She tells me to come down and I get really confused. She says “I was at the hospital this morning, they told me that I have cancer I my chest, and they are 90 % sure that they can help me with chemotherapy”. My