Being a teenager ( anorexia )

My childhood was pretty normal. My mom and dad just got married, when they got me. My mom was 21, and my dad was 23. I was born on Feb. 14. 1991, in New York, USA, and was named, Dianna. My mom dropped out of college to take care of me, while my dad continued school. Short time after I got born, my mom got pregnant again. Since my new little sister, Alicia, came to world, 1992, she was like a best friend for me. My dad graduated from school in 1992. After his graduation, we moved from New York to California, where both of my parents founded a job. It didn’t went well between my parents any longer, so they decided to get divorced. Me and my sister moved together with my mom, and visited my dad every second weekend. Until I was 9 years, we didn’t have that much money, so we lived very thrifty. But in 1998 my dad got a job as a lawyer, in a huge lawyer company. It helped a lot on our economy. But me and my sister always got what we pointed at, because of our grandparents. That’s why me and my sister could go to ballet, which we started to when we was 3 and 4 years old. Our instructor was pretty sure that we would get famous one day. My little sister stopped when she was 7 years old, because she didn’t feel like she had any time to play, or having fun. But I kept going, because I wanted to be famous and make my parents proud of me. So I practiced about 3-4 times a week, from I was 8 years old. In 2000, when I was 11 years old, my instructors said, if I wanted to get on a better team, I had to lose some weight, 3 kilos. I was 145 cm, and weighted 24 which were pretty normal for a girl like me. But of course I wanted to get on a better team, so I decided to lose those stupid 3 kilos. I started to cut out of the candy out of my cost plan, but still I didn’t lose any kilos, so I decided to stop eating breakfast. It was always busy at the morning in our house, so my mom didn’t really notice that I didn’t eat breakfast. As usually I took a piece of fruit in my hand, and said I will eat it on my way to school, but I always threw it out when I came at school. This didn’t work either, so I cut down on my portions, and exercised right after dinner. After this, the 3 kilos was gone, and I was happy. After the kilos were gone, I thought that it wouldn’t harm to lose 2 kilos more. So I continued eating less and less, and exercise more. I was always hungry, the hunger made me kind high, which I really loved. My mom and dad started to worry about my weight that I kept getting thinner and thinner. I was always tired and almost always dizzy, and that’s not normal for a girl in my age. When they asked me about it, I always answered I don’t know. Once my mom decided to take me to the doctor, to find out what was wrong with me. I went through a lot af tests but they couldn’t find anything, so the doctor sent us to a dietician so they could plan a diet plan for me, so I could start to gain some weight. I was against everything she suggested to me, but I was afraid to say something, so I just sat there and nodded. For dinner I got what my new diet plan said. When it was served I just sat there, and stared on the plate. My mom kept saying eat, eat, eat, but I kept saying that I wasn’t hungry. My mom had to threaten me with some stuff, so I could eat something. After 1 hour, I ate the half of my dinner. I said to myself that it wasn’t that worth to fight with my mom, every day, when we ate a meal, so I started to eat normal again. But sometimes I couldn’t stop eating I ate till my stomach started to hurt. When I ate that much, I had to hurt myself. First it was just like hit my head against the wall, but then I started to scratch myself to blood, then to cut, and burn myself. I hated that I couldn’t have control over myself anymore, so I started to gain a lot of weight. One day I sat and read one of my mom’s magazines, about a girl with bulimia. I was so happy, why didn’t I think of that? Every time I ate too much, I could just go to the bathroom I throw it up again. My happiness couldn’t be described. But I still didn’t lose any weight cause I still ate normally, and only throw up if I’ve ate