I’m sick of feeling unwanted…I’m sick of the guilt, the burden, the endless misery. I’m sick of the stone that dwells in my stomach, the stone that once was a beautiful swarm of butterflies. I’m sick of feeling unwanted by the ONE PERSON that made me feel wanted, loved. The person that once made me feel safe, happy…proud. He is very obtrusive, but how can that be a bad thing? It means he cares.
It all started about three months ago, he never answered my texts anymore, except for when he needed me. He is always at work or other places, just not at home.
A long time ago he accused me of giving him wrinkles because of how much I made him laugh, that was when he still got that spark in his eyes. The only wrinkles I see now are those between his brows, getting deeper and deeper. Our relationship is like the most extreme roller-coaster you can find. The ups are unbelievably high and the lows are ocean deep.
I remember the first incidence. It was a guy’s night out.
I woke up in the middle of the night and realized he wasn’t home yet. I went to sleep again, only to get woken up a few minutes later by the warmth of him lying next to me. He reeked of perfume and booze and he had red lipstick all over his face. I just looked at him, as he mumbled some nonsense. I asked him why his face was covered in lipstick and he said something around the lines “I never get to do anything without you bitching about it!” I started crying as he shouted nasty things at me, about how worthless I was and how lucky I was to even have him in my life and how he can do whatever he wants. After that night, we never spoke of the incidence again. I’ve thought about leaving him, but I can’t, because I love him.
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