Every minute, every hour, every day she was sitting there, just sitting starring out into the emptiness of the living room. She was so familiar, but only when she was sober, when I could kiss her mouth and feel happy about it – not smelling the wine dreading her moods. It was really scaring that something would change a personality and somehow make a monster out of a nice person so this person couldn’t say anything but bad and terrible words - it was the wine, the wine that made her mumble and say unpleasant things.
She couldn’t see her problem that was haunting not just her but also me, the bad vibes and bad behavior was ripping my heart out tearing it apart. I didn’t like to be at home when she was drinking so I visited my friends often. They helped me and listened to me when I needed to talk about my problems.
She could be the best for me when she was sober, she understood me and helped me solve my problems and best of all she could give me love. Love that made me happy – love that gave me confidence and courage.
Sometimes I just wanted to call a rehab center and make them send some big and strong people that would take her with them and change her back into what she was like, before she quit her education, but I couldn’t. She didn’t want to listen, and I had to say to my self that it wasn’t my problem. It was hard to tell the world what was going on, and the reason why I was sad sometimes. Somehow I knew that we had these terrible problems because of one decision, namely her decision to quit her biggest dream, becoming a midwife. Every time she tried to stop drinking she found a new problem and then she started again.
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