Teen pregnancy

Life was perfect back then. I didn't have the thoughts. The need to cut. The needing of a pill. The swig of a drink. I didn't have a baby on my hip, crying out for love each night. Back then, he loved me. He said he wouldn't leave me here alone. Here with his mistakes to clean up. I didn't think I would be here. My dad left me as a child. Leaving me with a drunken mother, who barely took care of me. I was on my own from six to 17. I didn't know I would be alone in the world with this baby, a broken heart, and no one left to love me. I thought life would be wonderful, spending my life with my boyfriend, going to college to have an amazing job I actually liked, and two kids, a boy and a girl. I wish I could actually take care of my baby. I wish I wasn't alone, drinking and taking drugs, cutting and thinking of taking my own life. It was like yesterday I was sitting on the hill overlooking the whole town with Cody. He had his hand wrapped around me, my head on his shoulder, just watching the sunset. "Will you always love me?" I asked him. "Of course I will," He said looking down at me. "Can I tell you a secret?" "You have secrets?" "I'm pregnant." And that was when I knew he would leave me. His body tensed up and his eyes became hard. He tried on a smile that never came close to reaching his eyes. "Is it mine?" "Of course. I'm not a slut. I've only been with you." I tried not to sound sad or upset. "Then I will be here for you and our baby." That was what he said. He would be here for both of us. Where did he go? When I needed him? Gone. That's where. Now I was standing in my apartment overlooking the ocean with my Sophia whose head was resting on my chest, sound asleep. "Where is your horrible father when we need him? Where's your grandma to watch over you when mommy needs a break?" I asked Sophia. Her eyes fluttered a tiny bit before she opened her mouth and made a bubble and felt back to sleep. This is where life had led me. Life and suck luck had landed me in a one person apartment in California with my Sophia in my arms. Life had made me take classes online when I wasn't working two jobs to get my baby formula. I had become anorexic after giving birth to Sophia and wished life would take me away. Yet, I couldn't leave my Sophia alone in the world, not knowing her real mom. What was going to happen to us? Where would I be right now if Sophia wasn't in my arms and Cody was still with me? I wish I had the answer. "I love you Sophia and nothing will ever stop me. You weren't a mistake. Don't let anyone tell you that. Ever. I love you."