Firstly, I would like to apologize for my actions. My behavior. I was so blinded of what we had together, I didn’t realize what version of me I’ve unlocked. A version of me I never knew I had inside of me. When you came to visit me and confronted me, I was thoroughly ashamed. The first thought coming to mind was, what have I become?
Looking back, I don’t know what was going on in my mind. I was looking for something I couldn’t get being myself. I was looking for someone to brighten up my life. Someone that could give me what I didn’t have. Attention… I wanted attention. I knew I wouldn’t get attention being myself. It feels awful to lie, but I was so desperate for something to happen in my life, and I was so desperate to get attention, I lost track of how much I crossed the line.
If I could turn back time, trust me, I would. I would fix this. I never imagined this to happen. I’m in distress. You helped me feel better, because around you, I could be that person I always wanted to be inside. The person I am never able to become around anyone else. You made me feel different, than anyone else ever made me feel. You made me feel like the world was all about me. I never felt that way before. I never thought, I would miss feeling that way until I couldn’t feel it anymore. I feel empty without you. You are the reason I kept going. That feeling you gave me made me feel young and loved. I know I lied, and I know everything I did was wrong, but I can’t live without you, Nev.
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